Her disgusting false love.

The other day I said I couldn't recall my mom ever saying she loved me. Today we got progress reports and she kissed me six times for my grades. She does this sort of thing often when I get really good grades and then it's like it never happened, but scolding me for bad grades lasts longer than it takes mental scars to fade. She's referred to me as stupid and mentally disabled like my brothers and she doesn't even realize that she's done it. This is why I expect to be a failure, why I haven't felt good enough at anything unless she says I am. I really want to claw my cheek off and get rid of the feel of her disgusting false love.