Debating whether I'm afraid of being forgotten and ignored for being myself, or tired of being the center of attention because I have to be everything that I'm not.
My friend says that we all feel like that at some point. I agree, I just wish it wasn't the same feeling everyday.
Isn't it a little odd that the thing that bugs you most about being depressed is the repetition of the problem? Of course we do what we can with what we've got, but it just turns into a routine because we never actually solve the problem.
In this case, the problem is this: do I choose to continue being the girl that is great at making friends but also good at scaring them away by being clingy and depressed, or do I choose to be whatever my loved ones want me to be so that they can stay in my life because I know I'll be even more sad and lost without them?
I think I've stuck with the latter for now. At least this way, my family doesn't kill each other, I get to keep all my friends, and I even have a boyfriend. Am I happy? I don't even think that's my goal anymore. I'm content and that is where I am meant to be.
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