Ch-Ch-Ch-Ch-Changes

Weirdest revelation of my life. Now, I'm not sure, and since I'm always indecisive and confused, I won't make this official, but I might be bi-curious, or at least, questioning.

Today, I looked at myself in the mirror, liked my appearance (a rare thing), and for some reason, the thought that came to my head was, I wonder if I could ever be with a woman.

Now, my friends had been suggesting and joking about this for awhile now that I could be bisexual. I never took it seriously because well my friends are never serious about this stuff. But I have noticed something during the last school year: I would openly flirt with my close female friends and apparently they weren't sure if I was joking or not. I just figured that since I hung out with extremely perverted guy friends, I just picked up their habits. My brain is very open to suggestion like that. But sometimes I would notice that it was easier for me to say that a female was attractive then to find a male that was attractive. I never could find myself attractive to male muscles or anything like that, and I have a weird appreciation for the female torso.

I'm not self-diagnosing again, that was a possibility I considered. I'm just open to trying new things.

I've had terrible luck with relationships, and guys always ruin my self-esteem. I've always grown closest to my female friends in my depressive moods, and I love how nurturing and accepting they can be, I love how I never feel pressured or awkward around them, and I easily point out their best physical features.

I guess I'm just trying to explain my reasoning, but I don't think it's that simple. My brain is too confusing.

All I know is that I told myself I would be open to change this school year, and so far my wardrobe had been the only thing to change. I'm not scared of this possibility at all. Just a little unsure of how this will work out.

And as an added bonus, I found the perfect theme song for this new change and the things yet to come for my senior year. It's not just the title, or the fact that David Bowie is a GLBTQ advocate, but the lyrics really fit my new perspective.

I know some of my friends will take this as a joke - a lot of people are becoming bisexual nowadays, and two of my friends keep saying they are just waiting for me to come out of the closet, but I'm not even going to tell them about this, because I am that serious.

I don't know if I'll have better luck with females than I do with males, but it's not about finding a partner because one of my other changes for this year was that I will not worry about dating. If I can just be happy this year, then I'll know that I'm doing something right. Like I say, it's better to push your misfortune aside so you can continue living your life. I'm not sure if this is the right path for me, but at least I know I can change directions or just stop to smell the roses this way. I don't feel trapped or sad now, and that's good enough for me.