If A Tree Falls In The Forest...

I knew I wouldn't be able to stay happy for too long. Me being happy is like a crime apparently.

I was helping my sister move today, and it was me, her, her fiance, his sister, and our uncle. My uncle, much like the rest of my family, is: stubborn, egotistical, ignorant, bossy, a know-it-all, and overall annoying. He was trying to butt his opinion into my sister's original plan, and my sister was like "it's late, we're tired, and we've already started on this plan. there's no point in changing it now." But he kept arguing with her. My sister has very little patience and my uncle was pushing her. At first, I expected it to just end with an awkward silence after somebody yelled or backed off, but no - my uncle had to ask what my opinion was.

He basically asked me to choose sides.

Would you ever want to choose sides in your family? Your stubborn, dysfunctional, breaking-at-the-seams family?

I didn't think so.

I wanted to stay out of it, but I'm never granted that wish. Even when family problems don't involve me directly, there is always last minute pressure put onto me, and I can't handle it.

I tried staying quiet, but he kept asking me my opinion, and I tried telling him that I don't have one, that I don't know who's right or wrong, and that this always happens - my family ends up arguing and I get dragged into it and I can't do anything... this is where my voice cracked and my sister knew I was upset and about to cry. My uncle didn't get the memo and kept bugging me, and then my sister snapped, screamed, threw a tantrum, and stormed off from the car. I'm used to her storming off like that, but that was the first time I showed that I wasn't as strong as I portrayed to my family.

And later, my uncle kept bringing it up. I told myself "if he says one more thing, I'm going to tell him to shut up. And I'm not kidding, I will actually tell them what is on my mind for once." Of course, Fate is a bitch though, and the next thing he said was not related to the previous argument, so it's like "well it doesn't make sense to tell him to shut up now." So I didn't say anything. However, later he asked me if I was still mad, and I gave him the silent treatment.

He finally listened to me. Tonight was the first time I stood up for myself against my family - I showed them how I felt, and then I showed them I was angry.

Silence speaks louder than words.

Later my sister apologized, but I don't know what she was apologizing for: the fact that I got upset, the fact that she stormed off yet again, the fact that my uncle kept bothering me or that I got dragged into the argument. It didn't matter. I know my family is dysfunctional, and there is nothing I can do about it at this point. I came into a delicate family tree, and over time the tree just started to wither and break and rot. I can't do anything but lop off my limb before it gets diseased like the rest.

I remember the day where my sister first stormed off after arguing with my mother. She came back once my mom went upstairs, grabbed her things, and told me "Stay in school. Get good grades, get into college, and then you can leave here. That's the only way - just leave." That's what she did - she's always distancing herself from us, so I'm not very close to her, but I can't argue with her here. I can't stop this tree from falling - I'm only one person. I have to plant myself somewhere else out of harm's way so I can keep growing.