Rain

I don't think I'm asking for too much; all I want is a sweet kiss in the rain.

Lately I've been wondering if my criteria for happiness is too vague. For example, the only requirements I have for crushing on a guy is if they make me laugh and they have at least one interesting part of their appearance (hair, eyes, etc.). So far, that's gotten me two relationships with guys who aren't serious about anything and often leave me feeling worse when we end it then when I was without a guy at all, and multiple crushes that often lead to guys already taken or they just turn out to be assholes. I didn't think I was being picky, but all of these guys are really wrong for me in the most awkward ways, and some of them don't seem like they are even meant to be in a relationship yet. Maybe I'm being too judgmental, but that's what I see.

I've given up on trying to be in a relationship - I'm too unstable for one right now. Yes, I finally called my boyfriend and we broke up, or at least I think we did. I told him why it wasn't working - and that we both knew from the beginning that relationships weren't my thing - and he just said okay, then proceeded to ask me about my day. He wasn't being nice or understanding or hiding his emotions. I know him. He was indifferent because he has no emotions. My last boyfriend had too many emotions, and multiple personalities. He's even admitted to this. Emotions aside, the guys I like are just weird. I thought weird was a good thing since I'm weird and my friends are weird, but maybe I need a normal guy to balance out my severely abnormal life.

I'm sure I'll be oblivious to this guy if he ever comes into my life, but if we share just one kiss in the rain, I'll know. Why? Because the rain is the most simple, beautiful, cleansing, healing, comforting, and destructive thing I can think of, and many of us take it for granted. True, sometimes the weather can be a bitch, but I'm talking about just a rain - gentle or pouring - that can give you a whole new outlook on life. Rain washes away the dark and the dingy so that you can see clearly afterward, and that realization usually leads up to a rainbow. I don't even need the rainbow, I just want the rain.